let’s have a toast to the….rumpelstiltskins?

Hey y’all, a little insight/personal therapy for you today!

If you know me, you know I pride myself on being pretty tough. It’s the whole “sticks and stones” mentality – what I’ve been taught from the beginning. My whole existence is based on the fact that I am unique and I am WEIRD. I have my likes, dislikes and I am NOT afraid to be real with my people if they want my honest advice!

Due to this, I’ve received a lot of hate throughout life for expressing these (sometimes) unpopular opinions on a plethora of topics. So this is definitely NOT a new concept for me and to that point, I have NO problem with people taking issue with who I am as an individual.

Like I always say, you do you and I’ll do me and if we’re not supposed to be friends, then, COOL! You can go stew in your own bullshit and move along with the beautiful day at hand. We don’t have to see or interact with each other, in person or on the social medias. It’s really the best, most care-free way to live your life! : )

So, what happens when you can’t banish the Rumpelstiltskins back to the forrest in which they live? What happens if that troll is in one of your social circles? These are the questions I’ve attempted to dissect for the last couple weeks.

Here’s the scenario:

There is a certain human who happens to dwell in one of my social circles (there are many: work, gym, apartment community/neighbors – this is vague on purpose) and has become the Rumpelstiltskin (hereby known as “Rumpel”) of my life recently.

I’m forced to interact with Rumpel almost everyday. And, almost everyday, Rumpel has something to say about my life. Whether I’m answering the question of what I gave up for Lent or my recent venture to California during the actual apocalypse (as seen on SNAP: @jessicalynnn12), Rumpel HAS to have an opinion. About something that doesn’t even affect their life. Did I mention that Rumpel also happens to be about twice my age? Hmm.

So yeah, this is annoying, but my life has prepared me to deal with it. However, when it happens nearly EVERYDAY, whenever I open my mouth, it begins to get old.

But, wait…what does Rumpelstiltskin have to do with any of this? A little history lesson…

Rumpelstiltskin is actually a German fairy tale, so basically I feel like Dwight Schrute sharing this story with y’all. You’re welcome.

{Side Note: I tend to think that Dwight makes up part of my spirit animal, which has a lot of components. Wow, this sounds crazy.}



If you don’t remember the fairy tale, Rumpel comes to save the day when the daughter of the miller is not able to complete her task of spinning straw into gold. Rumpel makes it happen and each time he does, the daughter has to give him something of hers. Near the end of the story, Rumpel makes her promise her first born child unless she can guess his name. At this point, she goes into the forrest where Rumpel lives and hears him chanting his own name. *Idiot – Dwight voice* In the end, she correctly guesses his name and he runs away and never comes back. THE END!

I’ll admit, I have no idea what I was thinking when I named this troll Rumpel. As I refreshed myself on this fairy tale, I quickly realized that Rumpel was not a troll that lived under a bridge, but a sneaky little goblin that lived in a forrest and got pissed when called out on his own bullshit.

Back to it..

It would be easy to say:


*Rumpel* and just declare them a terrible person who dances around in the forrest and cares far too much about other people’s lives. But that would be putting a bandaid over a bullet wound and that just makes absolutely no sense.

Since I do have to interact with Rumpel on an ongoing basis, I have to carefully pick my battles and only call out the bullshit when necessary. When my opinions are challenged, my first reaction is SCREAM! FIGHT! GO CRAZY! F*** YOU AND YOUR STUPID LIFE!

{Aggressive, much?}

However, I have to take a step back and remember that I am an adult (kind of) and not a child. I’m not in Kindergarten and that bitch isn’t stealing my carpet square or best friend from me (actually happened). It’s not St. Paddy’s (yet) and it’s not appropriate for the Irish in me to get into a drunken pub brawl (again I say – yet).

I have to practice self-control and remember how bitchy I can get myself when I’m unsatisfied with the state of things in my life. Which might just be the case with Rumpel.

Maybe Rumpel really is upset with their own life? Maybe they’re intimated by the fact that someone half their age is driving to California for fun on the weekends. Or that I’m challenging myself by giving up something for Lent. Maybe Rumpel wants to be living life on their own terms, but hasn’t found the courage to do so yet?

It’s easy to pick on people who are so open with their lives because they put it all out there. It’s so satisfying to tear people down who have what we want when we haven’t found the courage to go out and get it for ourselves.

Even as recently as about a year and a half ago, I possessed this mentality. I spent countless hours wasting energy on someone who was living a life I wanted, but hadn’t found the courage to reach out and take for myself. COUNTLESS. HOURS. Wishing this person all the negative mental energy my tiny frame could muster. Talk about exhausting!

Think of all the time I could have spent being productive for myself and not trying to wish someone else harm. Think of all the words I could have written, kettlebells I could have lifted, miles I could have run and calories I could have melted while dancing and drinking Patron. (Damn, perspective.)

So, I get it. I’ve been there. But thank Jesus I learned to cut that shit. (Can you say “Jesus” and “shit” in the same sentence? YOLO.)

Compassion is the emotion that comes up when looking at all of the above. Simply, because, I’ve been there. I understand that pain. I’m certainly not perfect and I’m not completely beyond the point of pettiness, but I have learned enough to recognize that this nonsense isn’t about me. It’s about the fact that, this individual is unhappy.

People who are generally satisfied with their own lives don’t take every opportunity to criticize others for living their lives the way they want. People who are generally satisfied with their lives honestly don’t give a fuck about what other people are doing (usually – again, no one is perfect!)

I’m truly beginning to believe this case is no different. And as hard as it may be, I’m going to have to remember to have self-control and only call the bullshit out occasionally. I’m going have to embody an otter and let that shit slide off my back like water (I wanted to be a marine biologist – lol).


So the next time I get shit for living MY life on MY terms, I’m going to take a step back and remember to have some compassion for those who can’t. I’m going to carefully and strategically choose when to call out good ol’ Rumpel on their bullshit and maybe send some healing energy and little prayer their way, because, why not? What can it hurt to have another person in this world satisfied with their life?

Hopefully you can relate and possibly even apply this to your own life! Grandmother Willow and her advice signing off for now!


the sexual politics of linkedin | cube chronicles #2

public speaking? understandable. but, like, how do you know that i excel in the microsoft office package?

I think we can all agree that dating in today’s society is one grand adventure. Or shit show, but I like to begin things on a positive note so let’s go with “grand adventure.”

Between Tinder, Bumble, Raya, Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat DMs, it’s a much different world than we used to know. No more playing Capture The Flag with the neighborhood kids on summer nights and daring each other to kiss boys at the park. Sigh, the 90’s were so pure, so magical. No wonder chokers are back. Anyway…

I was talking to my bff Ashley (Nugget) about this new sensation that I began to take notice of recently:

“LinkedIn Stalking”

Guys, is this adulting? It sure as hell feels like it might be.

Our convo was all too juicy to NOT share. So let’s get into it…

LinkedIn stalking: when people you’ve dated, hooked up with, met in a bar on a night out, get your contact info and add you (aka stalk you) via LinkedIn.

Now, when you meet these random boys out at bars they may get your number, they may add you on Snap-a-roo, but they DEFINITELY find you on LinkedIn.

This would be a really beneficial tactic to ensure the person you’re talking to isn’t just a bum looking for a free ride as you climb the career ladder. However, LinkedIn brought the thing that we all secretly wished for on all of our other socials but definitely now regret to life. The “who viewed my profile” feature.

J: “Today I get on LinkedIn and I love that it tells you who looks at your profile because it informed me that PERSON A is now LinkedIn stalking me.”

Snapchat letting us know who viewed our story and giving us a “legit” reason to casually drunk Snap message any certain person is somehow acceptable (but, like, thank God that it is.) At the same time, it may be viewed as a little creepy if we LinkedIn Stalk the same person to make sure they still work for that prestigious company (and if they got promoted!)

A: “Let’s be professionally dysfunctional now because that’s the mature thing to do at this age.”

We concluded it’s hilarious that casual flings, dates, and random bar encounters add us on LinkedIn and then proceed to stalk us.

A: “What do they think I’m gonna do? Endorse them for a firm but gentle boob grip?”

Good question Nugg, good question. Talk about some “Hands-on experience.” (This is where the LinkedIn double entendres started and have not stopped. Be prepared.)

J: “Since it’s no longer socially acceptable to post passive aggressive song lyrics on FB, we might as well passive aggressively be professionally associated so that when I climb the ladder they (random dude in that random bar) can reach out for an employment op.” (Glass ceiling who?)

Our wheels started turning and at this point, we had a full-on analysis at hand.

A: “And maybe it’s so that they can use us as references for other girls they date? Like, ‘hey I shacked up with this girl back in the day and she’s an educated executive now so obviously I’m worth a shot.'”

And all those Gmail notifications. All. Of. Them.

“PERSON A has endorsed you on LinkedIn! Skill: ‘Extremely personable.’

‘Willing to roll up his sleeves and get his hands dirty.’

‘Team Player.’

‘Able to think quickly during high pressure situations.'”

See what we’re getting at here?

Not only is LinkedIn Stalking taking over my Gmail Social Folder, I’m beginning to think about my profile when I should be interacting with actual humans out in the actual world.

J: “Random bar boy #2 told me my accent was good so I figured that allowed me to put French with an ‘elementary proficiency’ on my LinkedIn profile.”

A: “Oooo put it as a skill I’ll endorse that shit…Bilingual”

J: “Works well with multi-cultural and diverse groups of people”

A: “At the same time….During a foursome”

So you see…we’ve entered a whole new world – minus the magic carpet. That boy or girl you meet in a bar may just find you on LinkedIn and repeatedly look at your profile. But at least they might endorse you for something cool! Like, hands on experience! Or something they have no clue your proficiency in, like me and my one college semester of French!

Facebook stalking remains the tried and true, ultimate stealth move so don’t fret there. Insta stalking causes anxiety of whether you’ll accidentally (or drunkenly) like that photo from 143 weeks ago. Twitter stalking is a rabbit hole in which you might accidentally retweet something (hi, been there. But, like, sorry you’re clever?)

LinkedIn stalking is the new way to say “Hey, I’m stalking you, but I’m actually an adult.” I guess, sometimes.

If I meet you in a bar and you find me on LinkedIn, at least endorse me for something cool. That will make up for all the profile views in the last 6 days.

With love and LinkedIn notifications,

Two very high functioning and professional adults