While we can all agree that this year was one, big shit show circus rolling down the street, there are several things that I deemed (with some help! – Shout out my Bitch Biblers!) as the top things that need to STAY in 2017. And let me tell you, once I got started there were wayyy more than 17 things. In fact, I probably could have listed 2,017 things. But, self-control.
Let’s begin, friends…
1. Using the term “Daddy” in a sexual manner. This is the first one for the fact that I CANNOT STAND THIS ANYMORE. I CRINGED every time I heard (or said – #regrets #yolo) the term this year. Please see the below screenshot and evaluate your life.
2. Any sort of slide sandal that is typically worn with socks and basketball shorts. Including the Gucci version. They are disgusting and I hate that they are a trend. Spend your $$$ on something better and classier. Please and thank you. *Please note below as to the acceptable slide-on Gucci’s. There is a difference and I felt that a visual was required.*
3. The terms “Girl Boss” and “Boss Babe”. Not only are they EXTREMELY condescending, they are completely ridiculous. I never want to be called a “boss” and a “babe” in the same sentence. Like come on, who is going to take you seriously?
4. The overuse of the word “vibe”. Yes, I am guilty of this one. I’m trying.
5. The phrase “best practices”. I’ve always hated this phrase and now that I’m in corporate America, I hear it more than the worst song of the year. Which brings me to…
6. Humble by Kendrick Lamar. I know, I know and I wish I was sorry, but I heard this song far too much this year. Including EVERY SINGLE set I saw at EDC. Come on. There are better songs on the album. (DNA, LOYALTY, LOVE).
7. Crazy Stalker Fan Accounts. I’m glad that someone documents every breath that John Mayer takes, but honestly it’s aggressive and freaky. This should not be a hobby.
8. Using the word “when” at the beginning of any sentence, description or Snapchat caption. It got old fast and now you’re honestly just lazy.
9. Commercials in which the actors pretend not to hear what is going on so the narrator repeats themselves 77 times. Enough. You’re annoying.
10. The term “AF”. Guess what “AF” stands for? AS. FUCK. Be an adult and say the fuck word. I don’t understand why we’re so offended by that word. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. Plus it’s really annoying to use it after every single thing you describe. LEARN SOME ADJECTIVES.
11. This non-prescribed Xanax trend. The amount of people that take recreational Xanax and think it’s cute is really terrifying if you think about it. Not a great example for the future of this world.
12. Blindly following everything your favorite actor, singer, politician or famous person believes, says and does. You have your own brain, use it. Critical thinking skills really need to make a comeback. Please?
13. The term “millennial”. The connotation with the word is horrendous and I’m sick of getting herded into a group that includes these unemployed, lame ass kids who aren’t doing shit with their lives! Remember, we’re the ones choosing your nursing home so stop being assholes?
14. The whole “let’s look like a frumpy, sloppy grandma” trend. Do you know how hard it is to find a structured top that pushes my tits up to my eye sockets and not give away the secret that I have no abs? VERY DIFFICULT. Come on, I’m trying to look somewhat decent.
15. Sexual freaking assault and harassment. Am I really writing this in the 21st Century? Bring my quill and scroll. Chop, chop! Dilly, Dilly!
16. Instagram “celebrities” hocking all of the same god damn tea, skincare and box of shit products. Why is this my entire feed?
17. Getting offended at EVERYTHING/differing opinions. It’s not the end of the world…hopefully.
I have high hopes for 2018, but I guarantee you I’ll be back in a year with more bitching. Okay, probably sooner.