Once again, we find ourselves at the end of a beautiful day called Thursday. And once again, I have some snarky, Las Vegas experiences to share with y’all.
Today I present to you, some thoughts locals have on The Strip. Because we don’t all experience utter joy when a rather large, foreign tour group with a flag engulfs us while on our way to sushi.
1- Could you walk ANY. SLOWER???
2- Could you please put the selfie stick back inside of your car and actually drive to the hotel before trying to film every single inch of The Strip?? I don’t want to be a victim of your unintentional off-roading as you attempt to capture the majesty of The Bellagio Fountains.
3- I could so easily steal that wallet sticking out of your pocket and/or open purse.
4- Do you NEED to STAND in the middle of a WALKway to take that photo?
5- The Fountains erupt every 15 minutes. Please calm down. I’m not trying to block you from this rare opportunity.
6- I hope you and your obnoxious child know that cockroaches reside in the bushes in front of said fountains. (This is true, I’ve witnessed.)
7- Contrary to what your overpriced well vodka is telling you, she’s waayyy out of your league, bro.
8- Don’t even waste your time politely telling the stripper card people you don’t want one. Sometimes you cannot be polite to strangers. It’s not rude, it’s self-preservation. This isn’t Nebraska anymore.
9- Oh no, do not speak to that dirty, life-size Spongebob.
10- Well look at your dumb (drunk) ass stopping to talk to the poorly dressed showgirl and/or dirty cartoon character lurking nearby. Now you will get finagled into taking a $50 photo.
11- Yep there goes that next round of drinks.
12- GIRL. PUT YOUR SHOES BACK ON. At least make that married guy you met two hours ago in the club carry you back to his hotel room.
13- Oh honey, do not get into that limo.
14- Why do people even come to The Strip? This isn’t that cool.
15- Dammit…I live here.
16- This is fucking awesome.
17- Awee yeaahhh. I live here.